Breaking the Cycle: Overcoming Negative Thoughts and Beliefs

By Ingrid Snellings

Negative thoughts and beliefs, also referred to as cognitive distortions, include random thoughts, self-talk (or mind chatter), and beliefs that discourage us, make us feel unworthy, unlovable, unable to succeed, or otherwise influence us to feel bad about ourselves. They can contribute to higher levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and other emotional disturbances. 

Most of us have these thoughts to some degree or another.  However, the difference is whether we accept them as true and whether these negative influences determine our choices, actions (or inaction), and how we feel about ourselves.

Cognitive Behavioral Coaching (CBC) evolved from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which is an evidence-based therapy found to be effective in changing unproductive thoughts and beliefs into more realistic, productive ones.  CBC is applied to people that do not have a clinical diagnosis, whereas, CBT is a more comprehensive approach used with people with a clinical diagnosis and who are experiencing more debilitating negative thoughts and beliefs, that might stem from trauma or other unresolved issues, that need a licensed professional for support.  

CBC provides strategies for people to overcome negative thinking and beliefs.  These strategies include identifying negative thoughts and beliefs, examining them, challenging them, and replacing them with more positive, realistic alternatives. 

1. Identify Negative Content:  Spend time paying attention to what you are thinking. Paying attention to the content of your mind is practicing "mindfulness". Mindfulness is "a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique" as defined by Google's Oxford Languages. Identify the unproductive thoughts, beliefs, and self-talk that exist.  "Automatic thoughts and irrational beliefs connected with difficult emotions often contain the words "should," "ought," or "must," and usually reflect a judgment that something is other than it should be." (1)    Use a journal to write them down and spend time becoming aware of the content of your mind.  Which thoughts cause you to feel anxious, angry, depressed, unmotivated, or otherwise make you feel bad? 

2. Examine and Challenge Unproductive Content:  Go through your journal and ask yourself if these thoughts and beliefs are true and realistic.  For example, something might not go the way you expected, and the thought pops up that you are a failure (an example of labeling) and that you fail at everything you try (overgeneralizing).  Is this true?  Can you think of times in your life when you were successful?

3. Replace Unproductive Content:  The goal is to replace unproductive content with more productive and realistic content.  This process is called "cognitive restructuring" or "reframing."  This may be challenging, but it is important to spend time thinking about how you can restructure or reframe thoughts to make them work for you.  This takes practice, but the benefit will be less emotional distress.  This process includes gathering evidence to challenge the reality of your beliefs and thoughts. For example, you might feel selfish taking the time to workout at the gym rather than spending it with family.  To challenge this thought, you might ask yourself if the benefit of working out might allow you to be there for your family in a more constructive manner.  Working out regularly will probably help you to feel more energetic, be in a better mood, and build your self-confidence and sense of self-worth.  In the long term, what will be best for both you and your family?  What best fits your values and vision for how you would like your life to be? In this example, this person assumes that his/her family will feel negatively about the time taken away from family. Is that true? Maybe a conversation with family and sharing goals and benefits of working out will be met with support. Challenge your assumptions about how others might feel as well as what you think.

It is important to note that thoughts are just thoughts and you will have an assortment of them regardless of the work you do.  It may be difficult, even unrealistic, to expect that you will eliminate all negative thoughts.  Rather, the goal is to minimize the most harmful, distressful thoughts by restructuring them into more productive thoughts. Remember that even if negative thoughts emerge, it is what you do with them that is important.  Be mindful of them, observe them, and let them pass. Only the most persistent ones that interfere with your mental well-being need work. Over time you may also find that your thoughts become more pleasant overall.

It will take time and work to become aware of your thoughts and to restructure them so that they work for you rather than interfere with your peace of mind and productivity.  However, if your negative beliefs and thoughts feel overwhelming, debilitating, and you have tried to restructure thoughts without success, then perhaps you should seek professional support.  A licensed therapist or counselor can help you with this process. As mentioned previously, CBT is an evidence-based therapy that is effective in restructuring negative beliefs and thoughts for people who experience clinical levels of depression, anxiety, stress, or other emotional disturbances.  There are many online resources available as well as local resources.  Check out reviews of organizations and what services they offer.

References:

Brehm, B. A., Colberg, S. R., Fassbender, J. E., Finn, L., Fogg-Phillips, L., Franklin, B. A., Jo, S., Matthews, J. A., Muth, N. D., Pagoto, S., Pettitt, C. D., Read, B., Skinner, J. S., Zize, M. (2019). The Professional's Guide to Health and Wellness Coaching. American Council on Exercise.